Saturday, October 30, 2010

Godly Marriage - Part 1 : Husbands Duty

Part 1 - The Husbands Duty
Pastor Bruce A. Shields
House of Faith Church | |



I Corinthians 7:2-5, 8b
...since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. 3The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. 5Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control... for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.


In this new series “The Godly Marriage”, we will be discussing the roles of godly men and godly women, as well as marriage, divorce and children.

Although this sermon today is a plumb line for the godly man, I ask that the women do not keep score as we read the scriptures today.

These are given by the Lord for the men to use as guidance, not for the women to use against the men.

I would also like to remind the women, that next week we will be discussing the roles of the wives, and I am sure you would not want the men keeping score then.

Men, we will be discussing before the marriage, and during the marriage today, as well as marks of a godly husband.

It should be our goal, if we truly are followers of Christ, to discover all of the instruction of God’s word towards us, and apply those principals to our lives.

I.                   BEFORE THE MARRIAGE

a.      Choosing Your Bride
                                                             i.      Genesis 2:18 “The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

                                                          ii.      Genesis 2:24 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”

                                                       iii.      Proverbs 19:14 “Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent (sensible/practical) wife is from the LORD.”

1.      A man’s choice of a life’s mate can be his making or his breaking, be either a delight or a disaster.

b.     Be Careful of Your Choice!
                                                             i.      Proverbs 20:25 “It is a trap for a man to dedicate something rashly
       and only later to consider his vows.”

                                                          ii.      Proverbs 21:19 “Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife.”

                                                       iii.      Proverbs 12:4 “A wife of noble character is her husband's crown,
       but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.”

1.      One purpose for dealing with the dangers of marriage is to warn those who would enter into marriage casually, without serious consideration of the consequences of their decision.

                                                             i.      Ecclesiastes 9:9 “Enjoy life with the wife you love.”

                                                          ii.      Proverbs 5:18-21 “may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
 19 A loving doe, a graceful deer— may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love.
20 Why be captivated, my son, by an adulteress?  Why embrace the bosom of another man's wife? 21 For a man's ways are in full view of the LORD, and he examines all his paths.

                                                       iii.      Proverbs 5:15 - Be faithful to your own wife, and give your love to her alone!

                                                         iv.      Hebrews 13:4 “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.”


                                                             i.       A godly husband is kind and compassionate (12:10).
                                                          ii.      A godly husband is honest (29:24).
                                                       iii.      A godly husband is hard-working (12:11; 27:23-27).
                                                         iv.      A godly husband is truthful (12:17,19).
                                                            v.      A godly husband exercises self-control (12:15; 16:32).
                                                         vi.      A godly husband has a gentle speech (12:18; 15:1-2,4).
                                                      vii.      A godly husband is generous (14:21; 28:27).
                                                   viii.      A godly husband is willing to be corrected (even by his wife) and listens to counsel (12:15; 15:12,31-32; 28:13; 29:1).
                                                         ix.      A godly husband is a man of integrity (19:1; 20:7).
                                                            x.      A godly husband is faithful and reliable (17:17; 29:3; contrast 25:19; 31:3).
                                                         xi.      A godly husband is forgiving (19:11).
                                                      xii.      A godly husband is willing to admit he is wrong (28:13).
                                                   xiii.      A godly husband is humble (15:25,33; 16:18-19; 18:12; 29:23).
                                                    xiv.      A godly husband is not contentious, but a peacemaker (17:1; 18:1,19).
                                                       xv.      A godly husband has control of his temper (14:29; 16:32; 17:27; 29:11).
                                                    xvi.      A godly husband is a man who avoids excesses (20:1; 23:20-21, 29-35; 31:3-9).
                                                 xvii.      A godly husband has a concern for others, especially the poor and the oppressed (29:7).
                                              xviii.      A godly husband can keep a confidence (17:9; 26:20).
                                                    xix.      A godly husband fears God and is obedient to His Word (13:13; 14:26; 16:20; 28:25; 31:30).
                                                       xx.      A godly husband is not a jealous man (27:4).
                                                    xxi.      A godly husband has a positive outlook on life (15:15; 17:22; 18:14).


                                                             i.      LEADER AND PROVIDER
1.      1 Timothy 5:8 “If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”

a.      The primary role of the godly husband is to take care of his family.  If he does not...the bible says he is worse than an unbeliever!

b.     Showing loving leadership, overseeing all matters of the home, both physical and spiritual.  Although the scriptures tell us that the wife is the manager of the home, the godly husband oversees that management to ensure it is scripturally sound.

c.      REMEMBER...Eve failed only because Adam failed!

2.      The second primary role of the godly husband is to provide financially, working to bring in money.

3.      Ephesians 5:25-33 25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— 30for we are members of his body. 31"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." 32This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

4.      The role model for wives here is the church...BUT, men, the role model for you is Christ!


a.      Leadership and Responsibility
                                                             i.      The husband is the head as Christ is head of the church.

1.      With leadership, comes great responsibility and accountability by the Lord!

2.      Are you rightly representing Him in your family?

                                                          ii.      God does require respect for this position, but the requirement for respect assumes you are fulfilling your role properly!

1.      I Corinthians 4:1-51So then, men ought to regard us as servants of Christ and as those entrusted with the secret things of God. 2Now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful. 3I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. 4My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me. 5Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men's hearts. At that time each will receive his praise from God.”

a.      Men, you will have to give an account of your selfishness, slothfulness, and any other trait that is not a trait of Christ!

                                                       iii.      Wives are to be instrumental in the leadership of the household!

1.      Proverbs 31:27 - Wife is to be helper. Let her help. Encourage her!
2.      Good manager must be aware, must stay in touch. Be sure that what should be happening is; and that what should not be happening, is not.

b.     Loving Leadership!
                                                             i.      Like Christ
1.      Colossians 3:19 “Husbands, love your wives and do not take advantage of them.”

2.      Ephesians 5:23 “For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.”

a.      Describes more than just having authority. It describes the kind of authority.

                                                                                                                                     i.      Like a physical head; supervises nourishment, care of body.

                                                                                                                                  ii.      Does not run off on its own

                                                                                                                               iii.      Constantly concerned, aware.

                                                                                                                                 iv.      Dedicated to providing for her benefit, her safety.

b.     Although the scripture tells us that it is not easy for the woman to submit to the godly husbands authority (just as the church struggles to submit to Christ), our obedience to the Lord makes it easier for her.

c.      The godly man’s obedience to Christ should generate love in return!

                                                                                                                                     i.      I John 4:19 “We love because he first loved us.”

c.      One Flesh!
                                                             i.      A godly man cares for the wife as he cares for his own body.

                                                          ii.      To nourish, cherish with tender love.

                                                       iii.      The two of you have become one flesh!

1.      If the husband was at work, and slipped, gouging himself, and he began to bleed all over the place, what would he do?

a.      He would stop what he was doing that caused the wound, and immediately go to the medicine cabinet, carefully washing and bandaging the wound.

2.      When the two are one flesh, if the marriage becomes wounded...the godly man needs to STOP what he is doing, and attend to the wound!

d.     Provide
                                                             i.      Physical (food, clothing, shelter) 1 Timothy 5:8

                                                          ii.      Spiritual (example of Christ) Ephesians 5:26-27

                                                       iii.      As a father Ephesians 6:4 “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”

                                                         iv.      FAILURE of man to do so...
1.       Principle area of failure for Fathers. Too often godly man’s responsibility is abdicated to wife.

2.      Result: Impression that Christianity is not manly.

a.      Children learn by example.
b.     See that Christianity is for women and children.
c.      Artist pictures of Christ; emaciated, anemic.

3.      Christ was a man! (Not Casper Milquetoast).
a.      Fought the Devil, won!
b.     Grew up in carpenters shop, no power tools!
c.      Confronted moneychangers, kicked over tables, drove them out.
d.     Not like Mr. Rogers; more like John Wayne.

4.      The godly husband’s job is to meet the needs of his wife & children!
a.      A true sign of a godly man, the wife’s needs become his needs. (Christ & the Church)

b.     It does not matter if it seems irrational to the husband.  If it is important to the wife, it is important to the husband.

                                                             i.      Love involves self-sacrifice, giving of yourself for another.

                                                          ii.      WARNING TO HUSBANDS
1.      I Peter 3:7 “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.”

a.      Weaker pertains to the emotions, never the moral or intellectual.  They are more sensitive than men, and the godly husband knows this, and is considerate towards her.

                                                       iii.      She must be treated with honor.
1.      Not second class.  Husbands are NOT more important!  The scripture says “Joint Heirs”!

2.      We are equal, although created differently.

a.      If I have a million dollars in $1 dollar bills, and a million dollars in $5 dollar bills, which has more value?
                                                                                                                                     i.      Men and women are equal, though created differently.

                                                         iv.      She must be treated with love


1.      Tremendous, difficult responsibility.
2.      We will not be perfect. Christ was.

 Christ and the church are role models for both the husband’s authority and wife’s submission.

Christ’s example demonstrates both, how to do it and proof it can be done.

We have guidance of Holy Spirit through God's perfect, complete revelation.